Easter picture

J

Jason is an incredible husband, dad, and friend. He loves us in a way that can be described as nothing less then extravagant. He puts everyone before himself and is quick to pour himself out wherever he is needed.

So we were very proud to celebrate him last weekend,. We were celebrating his birthday and his new position at RLF!

His official title is Central Associate Pastor- which means he belongs to all the Campuses, sort of  like Micah. But Micah calls him the IT Pastor... and likes to travel with him because J functions as his bodyguard and videographer.

I love planning a party but had to keep this pretty simple. Since J is usually the one to haul heavy things and hang things up while I stand back and make sure it is just as I had imagined, I was at a bit of a disadvantage. Lucky for me I didn't have to beg Steve (much) to stand in. He hung paper lanterns from the trees and moved heavy stuff. I have no pictures to prove it but you will have to believe me when I say that the lanterns were stunning after dark. And it was just as I had imagined.

On the note of simple, I wanted to surprise J with something he would love. Enter Marble Slab. Did you know they cater? They brought a portable slab, ice cream, mix-ins, and waffle cones. It was effortless for me but completely unexpected!

It was sweet night with our closest friends-our tribe. After most of the party had cleared out, we pulled chairs out under the canopy of the trees, the lanterns glowing brightly above our best friends. I was overwhelmed for a moment with how blessed we are. The night had been full of the people we love the most, the family we have chosen for ourselves. This was a small crowd but these people are the ones we talk to everyday, pray for, and love fiercely. They are our best friends, our prayer warriors, our accountability. They are our confidantes and closest allies. They are the people who know us, who see our hearts. One of the funnest things about this was that they hadn't all met before. And I loved hearing them say "Oh! So you are_______".

I know everyone there knew first hand how loyal, devoted, and selfless J is and they were there out of their love for J. And I love that.....

The rest of spring break

I keep thinking I am going to get back here with a thoughtful post about all the memories we made over spring break and the moments I don't want to forget. Probably not going to happen- So here are the highlights!

• We spent Monday and Tuesday in San Antonio. We stayed in our favorite hotel chain- Drurry Inn. This hotel gets 5 stars from our kids. Free popcorn and soda, egg rolls, chicken wings, and nachos. Lucky Charms and waffles for breakfast. And CABLE! All the Disney channel you can watch!
• We had grand plans to go to Sea World on Tuesday and left Kaya with grandma so we could spend some quality time with the big kids (fast scary rides) but we woke up to temps in the low 50's and the kind of spitting rain that makes you miserable.
• So we did what our kids love best- shopped and went out to eat.
• We went to the Disney Store twice! Most of you know that we consider this a magical, emotional experience. Many of our favorite family moments have happened on Disney Vacations and walking into a Disney store sends waves of emotions over us. 
• Surely this is true for everyone who loves Disney World? (Once I tried to explain this to a Disney World virgin and he thought it was ridiculous. But his credibility for being emotionally balanced was tainted by the fact that minutes later he exploited my fear of escalators (especially in heels) and gave me a not so gentle shove as were going down. 
• Lunch was at Rainforest Cafe in celebration of J's birthday! 
• We shopped, built bears, had ice cream, and dreamed out loud about living in San Antonio. We made our requisite stop at Panda Express on the way home!
• Wednesday morning the kids went to their first Zumbatomic class. Yes my obsession has bled over to the children! They were adorable and confirmed the fact that rhythm must not be genetic. Jayden and Elisha can really move and even the instructor mentioned their natural talent.
• Thursday we went to zumbatomic and then NOTHING! Sweet, sweet, nothing!
• Friday had plans of going to the fabulous pool in a town not far from here- but it was cold and windy. So we took lunch to Daddy at RLF and picnicked in his office and played on the indoor playground.
• Date night was awesome! A movie and dinner at our new local- Applebees. We find ourselves there a lot lately because we can get a table right away, its two minutes from our house, and we know almost every server now.

A charmed week-Emma

Sunday Afternoon

And these photos make my heart long a little...not for a new baby though. These make my heart long to capture more moments...glimpses of His art.

A charmed week...

Spring break was great... I have no idea where the tradition of taking a week off came from but it is a fabulous idea. It was nothing less then charmed! Now in the spirit of being wordy and well....me- Here it is!

Our break officially began at noon last Friday. I wish I could tell you how we spent the afternoon but I am getting closer to thirty everyday and I swear my brain is feeling it. Considering that under the covers is my new favorite place to be, I think it is safe to say that it involved some reading, an attempt at a nap, and much procrastination. The procrastination, that I have down to an art form, is certain because I do remember spending the evening scrambling to pick up Jason from RLF, rushing across town to deliver food to our friends with a new baby, and then feeding my kids before swapping them out with Danielle. I would love to blame the fact that I made dinner for another family as the reason that we ended up at Jason's Deli for dinner. Except all that time under the covers left no time for silly things like cooking. And so I had to pick up dinner for her...and then was so easily talked into meeting the Adams' for dinner.

Friday night was fairly uneventful thanks to a new dvd- Planet 51 and piling the kids into the playroom with promises of pancakes for breakfast in exchange for quiet. I have to say that it was somewhere around 7 am on the first day of Spring Break when I realized that the trade was less then equal. Why did I have the 8 year old boy, the 5 year old boy, and the two year old diva? And who keeps buying this child all these swords and guns? And who promised them a breakfast full of simple carbs? Why was my quietest, most responsible, nurturing, and completely capable and willing to fulfill my role when needed child across town with the second quietest child of the bunch?   Not a fair trade- just sayin'! Luckily I was in the early stages of Spring break euphoria and not about to let that sour my mood.

KFC was another story. Everyone finds shoes, we pile in the car, and head toward RLF to drop daddy off at work. I have cut up fruit, and cheese, and was armed with carrot sticks but still in need of a main entree for our picnic. It's a beautiful day and what says picnic more then a bucket of chicken? J has not eaten so we decide a run through KFC drive through together. My husband, as wonderful as he is in all things, is drive-thru handicapped. He will be the first one to admit this. That doesn't ever stop me from thinking that this will be the time that he overcomes his fears and we can just order food through the window. This is not that day. Because I love him...and do enough to make him crazy... we call off the drive-thru concept a few minutes into the fiasco. I think they can smell fear through the little speaker. The third time she makes him repeat the order, I know that I have pushed too far, too soon.

No problem. I will just go in. I leave him the car with the children loaded up on simple carbs and promises of spring break bliss and go in. We are running out of time at this point. Now I could accept some of the blame for this considering that I may have needed to account for the fact that this KFC is en route to the only beach, it is a gorgeous day, and it is the first day of spring break in a spring break town....EXCEPT we are the only people there. And you would think KFC would have taken note of above mentioned scenario and had some things readily available- like chicken and employees!

I am particularly proud that I managed to hold it together despite the fact the D. calls and tells me that she has just woken up...imagine that you... keeper of the quiet children...slept in! I promise that I was not resentful at all of the fact that I... the person on spring break... had been up for four hours. Spring Break Euphoria...

We manage to make it to Cole Park, bucket of roasted chicken included. And it is a fabulous day. Finally...sleeves optional. I won't mention the part here about how I let my two year old get sunburned. I will just delight in the fact that we soaked up the sun and enjoyed $18 worth of popsicles from the ice cream truck. We explored the coastline and Jayden found the largest wild hermit crab we have ever seen. We played read: they played while I soaked up sun till the children were filthy and ready to spend some time under the covers, or at least let me.

Next part 2 of 17....

Picnic- check

Just One

Spring is in the air...

Spring Break kicks off in mere hours...I am giddy with anticipation, GIDDY!

I have plans... plans that involve picnics, movies, a few days in San Antonio, sleeping in, pancakes, celebrating J's birthday, some photography, cleaning, and a whole lot of nothing.

It's going to be awesome...

This week has been awesome. J has transitioned into a new position with RLF (more on that later). Our goddaughter was born this week and she is beautiful. (Hoping to photograph her this weekend now that they are home and getting settled.) We are getting into the time of year at school that I love. I have a room full of readers and writers now and that makes each day a great adventure.Yesterday we kicked off a music enrichment program that will run through the rest of the year. My kids loved it. I am trying hard not to be jealous of how much they love him- seriously I may have been bumped from the list of their favorite people!

And I got my hair done... I am not sure I love it yet. I like the cut...just not sure if it looks good on me. Its sort of messy...she said it is runway hair. I don't know if runway hair works for teaching second grade. I am going to give it a few days...

Bubba

Our boy is growing. There is little trace of baby left in his face. As a baby and toddler, he had these incredibly kissable cheeks. I miss those cheeks... As a baby he always had a smile on his face. He is growing into a much more serious boy.


He goes to school, sleeps in his own room, and dresses himself now. He goes to Royal Rangers every Wednesday with his grandparents and is on his way to earning badges.

He is a natural athlete and has such a spirit of adventure. He is Kaya's best friend and mortal enemy. He is often her prince but sometimes the foe. Every morning while we get dressed, he climbs into our bed and snuggles her, wakes her up slowly. I love this tenderness-nurture or nature... this is a gift from his Daddy. I hope he never forgets the power of a gentle touch.

It's funny to see these parts of him that are so Jason. When he was a baby people would ask who he looked like and to us he always looked like Elisha. As he grows up it's a weird sense of de ja vu to see so much of Jason in him, not physically but in who he is.

Physical touch is truly his love language. There are very few people I hug, it just doesn't occur to me. The people I do hug- well it's high on their list. I hug them because I know it speaks love to them and it is the way they express it to me, so I want to hug them. But its rare for me. But he hugs, he wrestles, and cuddles. He never needs space...

He packs a bag everyday. You never know what you might need. He gets this from his daddy, who get this from his dad. I can't pick up J's backpack that he takes everywhere. When we travel, J packs twice as much as me.

Elisha loves to be together. He loves dinner at the table and it doesn't get better then when we play a dinnertime game. He loves to pray and hold hands. He is jubilant on family movie night when we pile on the couch and share bowls of popcorn. He tells me ten times a day that he misses me...even when I have only been in the other room.


He is the sweetest boy I have ever loved...

Love Fridays...a ramble

Sometimes I love Fridays because it's the end of the week and sometimes I love Friday because it's the beginning of the weekend. This week it is both...

This was a full week. J. was away and I missed him terribly, horrendously. And not just because he is useful to have around. Although there were a few times I cried out for his usefulness. Like when I was late for work because I had to drop off the littles at grandma's myself, when a ginormous truck backed into my passenger side door in the mall parking lot, and when we managed to get locked out and everyone who hadn't misplaced their copy of our house key was in Georgia. He thinks I am really independent and I am...but I really need him.

Last night he was making dinner for the kids while I am sitting at the table and we are catching up on his week. He tells me how easy it would have been for him to pick up a Georgia drawl. And I realize that he is talking at about the quarter of the pace we normally talk at. Too late- he may have left the accent behind but he... is ...pausing....between...words... This should be interesting! Because the truth is that I usually talk circles around him and he generally just waits until I tell him it is his turn to say something before attempting to get a word in. Our timing is going to be way off!

And then I kiss him bye and head out the door to catch up with a friend and regain some of the sanity I lost while being the only adult in our house for 4 days.

Honestly we have had about an hour together this week. We are all juggling a lot right now and desperate for summer when the pace of life will change for us. But lately even though our time is short together, it's been really good quality. We are carving out small moments that keep us connected and speak love to each other. We have figured out how to stay connected through the day via text. I have figured out how to say "Go away. I am talking to Daddy" with much love and compassion. He has figured out how to listen to me...even if this is the 17th time we have had the same conversation and I just need to talk it through one more time. And we are figuring out how to navigate landmines like that the house refuses to stay clean and that the children outnumber us and move so quickly that we often lose count.

Some people wonder about the pace of life we are living at. There are some changes we are going to make but they aren't about cutting out the things you might think. Our weekend is full-yes. There is a zumba fundraiser for Ronald McDonald House, a date with my girls, worship at RLFx4, a late dinner with friends, and LifeGroup. All of those things involve relationships, pouring into the people in our circle of influence,  and hopefully making an impact on somebody's spiritual journey.

It's busy but it isn't busyness.

A few weeks ago someone said that just because they were busy didn't mean they didn't love me. It took me a while to wrap my mind around that. And it became a barometer.

Because the truth is that being too busy for something doesn't mean you don't love it, it means it's not a priority. And it is a good challenge...I know that people are the most important thing to God. I know He has called us to live in community, to bear each other's burdens, to encourage, to teach and learn from each other.  And I don't want those to just be words- I want to do that for my husband, my kids, my friends, my community.

So busy but not busyness.

Stuff and more stuff...

• Last night I taught on patience at Zumba LifeGroup. Then I went through wait-a-burger. And waited...and waited. And then he asked me three times if I wanted ketchup. After I asked for extra ketchup. I don't pretend to have this patience thing down.
• We won't even talk about that I worked out for an hour and then ordered chicken strips, fries, and a coke.
• J is out of town. I miss him. He misses me. There was no one to wake me up this morning... except an alarm that I didn't realize that I needed to set until 2:45am. Thankful that text messages fly between us and gmail chat keeps us connected through out our day. Everyday.
• Attempting to have dinner with a friend tonight. She has four children. I have four children. 4+4= a gagilion when they move quickly and you are so outnumbered. Should be fun!
• My eyebrows need waxing- seriously.
• Planning a Seder dinner with our LifeGroup. Haven't done this kind of things with grown-ups before, only in children's ministry. 
• We have no plans for spring break. None. That is insane as I usually plan these things years in advance...well at least months. I want it to be warm and go the beach. That is insanity speaking. It is never warm here for spring break (at least not dry and warm) and people who live here don't do the beach on spring break.
• We have a lawn guy now. His name is Steve-lawn guy. He knows the names of the things growing in my yard! He worked magic with lawn tools and there is real potential there! He comes with flowers and promotes marital bliss- not that the yard has ever been a subject of passionate discussion. The kids are attached already and bring him snacks and are including him in their plans for the future.
• The sun is finally shining.

Perhaps she knows how cute she is

Too much...not enough

i have been thinking about this quote from Captivating a lot this week. 

Every woman I've ever met feels it --- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy.

and it isn't that i don't feel enough (most days)...mostly i have twinges of i am too much. 

there is this blog that i read that i love. i love it because i can see this girl.. she puts her heart out there and writes things i consider deeply personal, views into her heart of hearts. things that could easily be judged and misunderstood. And i love that on her blog.

it's easy to admire in someone else. it's easy to applaud her level of authenticity, her level of transparency, her commitment to being who she is. it's easy because I can't see the cost.

in my own life while i work at it, crave it, and long for authenticity, i am finding that there is a giant cost. it has me wondering if honesty is the best policy. i refuse to believe it's not the best because not being truthful, even by just withholding things, makes me crazy. i can't seem to leave things unsaid not because I want to rock the boat because I fear land mines that are made from sweeping things under the rug.

so i struggle to navigate that. because it's messy. because it's risky. because it's easy to be misunderstood. because it's easy to be judged- not out of meaness but because we all filter things through our own experiences, perspectives, and even our insecurities.

but i only have two choices. i can be quiet and smile sweetly. i could put every thought and emotion in a box and make sure that it comes out in a way that could offend no one and please everyone.

or my other choice is to be me. it's the person that questions everything, that examines things from every angle. the person that isn't satisfied with easy answers. i can only be the person that God wired to feel things with depth and sincerity. i can only be the person who connects to people and experiences strongly. 

it's really not that I just say whatever I am thinking and let my life be run by emotion. i promise. it's that after i have prayed, searched my heart for my motivation, filtered through what i know about Jesus and the way He loves me, if after I have checked it against my desire to honor my husband- if it is still true, then I express it. (and often in giant run on sentences)

and i am afraid to be misunderstood. i am afraid to be judged less then honorable, inappropriate simply because our culture has conditioned us to be shallow.

And the truth is that sometimes it is too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy for the people in my life. I only hope that they reap enough of the benefits of my intensity that they can lean in when I am all of the above.

 

Tickled Pink!

Had a great day at RLF... amazed at how it feels like home...

 

  

In the moment...

I'm the kind of girl who likes to look forward.  So sometimes I really struggle with being in the moment.

My mind is always thinking of the next thing, the next season, the next adventure, pushing relationships to the next level, and dreaming of things that are possible. So I work at being content in the moment. I try and stay present. I want to be the person who relishes in all the joy, hope, and beauty of the moment. All that energy spent on being in the moment occasionally gets twisted into thinking too hard and too long.

And so sometimes there is wisdom in moving on... looking forward...pressing on...anticipating...hoping.

The season between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day has been a hard one. I can't really put into a few words all that has been rattling in my head and in my heart... but a lot of insecurity, impatience, and vulnerability. Not fun stuff but probably necessary if i want to be less like me and more like Him.

But for now, this season I am vowing to look forward. I am looking forward to being tickled pink this afternoon, looking forward to Lifegroup tomorrow night, Zumba with my girls, looking forward to spring break and a chance to hang out with friends we love and miss.  I am looking forward to this new family night thing I have bouncing around in my head. I am looking forward to taking some Easter portraits with my new camera after a long hiatus from photographing clients. I am looking forward to the pool and hanging out at the beach till the sun goes down.

I am going to look forward to making the most of the moments I have with those I love being with, instead of worrying about how much time we don't have together. And instead of trying to figure out why someone doesn't want me in their life, I am going to look forward to new friendships that reciprocate the energy I put into them.

It's going to be good...

My Valentine's...

Sunday morning I woke up to a lot of commotion in the kitchen. Since I had heard some whisperings the night before, I suspected breakfast was being made for me. My sweet girls and only son set about making Mamma breakfast in bed. (Daddy had been at work for a few hours)

In our family, breakfast in bed is the ultimate expression of love...

I didn't expect the spread I was served- three scrambled eggs, toast, whole wheat toaster waffles cut into heart shapes, and a pancake on a stick. No expense was spared. And neither was any dish.... they used approximately 45 dishes!

Sometimes I think I am doing the worst job ever as a mother and that I am ruining them. Moments like this remind me that they are slowly learning to serve and care for others...and that they are capable of making their own breakfast!

Down in my heart...

"I have told you these things so that your joy will overflow."

John 5:11 

So our Zumba Lifegroup is working through the Fruit of the Spirit. This week we are focusing on joy. We searched the scriptures and shared our hearts about what joy is and where it comes from. While joy is not determined by our circumstances, I do think God sometimes uses circumstance to be instruments of His joy. He blesses us with things in our lives that bring us joy and remind us of His love.

Our girls spent time creating a "Joy Journals" and I challenged each of us to be on the look out for joy, to be intentional about focusing on how it manifests in our lives. I am so excited to see what that is going to look like!

I though I would give my Zumba girls a peek at my joy journal and how God is speaking to me this week. 

It is possible to enjoy Me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances that in right responses to whatever comes your way. - Jesus Calling (a paraphrase)JOHN 16:33; PSALM 112:4-7

And because there is not a doubt in my heart that God expresses His love to me through this man I married, this picture brings me joy! J. is being silly and making me laugh- my joy overflowing...

A weekend away- the short

Our trip to Fredricksburg was long anticipated and much enjoyed.The theme of the weekend was "cozy". We spent most of the weekend piled on the couch a foot from the fireplace watching movies, sitting around really small tables in great restaurants, and trying to stay warm. We wandered around town - in and out of shops with no agenda. We learned a few magic tricks and had amazing chocolate.  Lauren and I did a wine tasting, tried out this amazing hand scrub, and smelled a million candles. We saw a great show at Rockbox and that spurred lots of dreaming out loud. 

Between us there are 4 ministries, 1 business, 2 churches, 3 LifeGroups we are leading, 5 children, 2 homes, volunteer work, and a million other obligations. This season is a time of scheduling in time together and lately that is an hour or so every couple of weeks. Three days of uninterrupted time together was nothing less then a rare treat.

Going Amish

When we in Fredricksburg we stopped at an Amish Market. Surprisingly (or not) I bought a book- Amish Peace. I have this sort of fascination with the Amish way of life and secretly I wish life could be that simple.

I know Jason wonders about me when I say crazy things like that. He knows I thrive on chaos, have opinions about nearly everything, and like things to sparkle. He knows that brightly painted toenails, sparkly costume jewelry, and jeans make me very happy. I like to listen to music loud, drive fast, and am attached at the hip to my purple Netbook. He has resolved that I will rarely be wearing sensible shoes and don't know a thing about preserving from my any garden. I have never eaten a meal in silence and have a burning need to talk- a lot. I spend as much time as possible in bed and spend a lot of time with my nose in a book. I have a whole world in my head and find it necessary to blog about things most people never even think about- like the inherently evilness of snuggies. Not sure that would fit well with going Amish.

So what do I admire? I admire an entire lifestyle built around a community of faith. I love the idea that children are not something to worked around but to be worked with. I love that everyone knows their role. I love that Sunday is as much about family, friends, and food as it is about worship & teaching. Worship and teaching aren't overshadowed they are just extended by loving neighbors and serving one another.

I love how relationships are priority. There is no such thing as "too busy" to get together. You will never hear an Amish woman say that she can't get together with a friend or neighbor because she has too much laundry to do. They just do the laundry together (and without the benefit of electricity-crazy!)They shop together, cook together, clean together and worship together. There is no pride in the way of sharing work or possessions because they understand that life lived in isolation is worth far less then life shared.

Obviously I am glad that I don't have to make dinner for our whole congregation this Sunday. But I do crave the kind of relationships where we can just abide, just live life alongside. I am tired of catching up via text. I miss the kind of relationships where I can say "I know it's a Tuesday- but come over and let's make dinner together. Then we will sit on my porch and drink iced tea and watch the sun go down." But I don't have a porch, so we would have to sit on the couch in the climate-controlled-bug-free-living-room. 

It is strange because I have this aversion to scheduling in quality time right now and an even stronger one to being scheduled in. And that might seem contradictory. I want quantity. And not because I am not content with a date- that's fun. But I feel like I am missing out on the next level because in an hour together or a night out to dinner I don't get to see experience the kind of mother my friends are or the way they love their husband when it isn't date night. I want to know where everything is in their kitchen and how they fold their towels.

I am not going to convert but I do think there is great advice in this quote:

If you admire our faith, strengthen yours. If you admire our sense of commitment, deepen yours. If you admire our community spirit, build your own. If you admire the simple life, cut back. If you admire deep character and enduring values, live them yourselves.                                                                                         Uncle Amos

Dear February

Dear February,

I would really appreciate it if you could mention to the sun that while it may have forgotten how, it is supposed to be shining. I am longing for March and might be able to tolerate you more if you could bring some sunshine. I think I may have developed SAD and blame you (along with January and December). I know you are the month of Love and all but I am just not feeling it. Maybe it is because you feel shorted, but you have insisted on filling our schedule with things that keep us busy yet still bored.

Please send March along quickly. I am dreaming of the beach and a tan that comes without the help of Neutrogena. I want to sit in the sun and admire perfectly painted toenails while my kids splash and play. While this jacket was cute in November, I live in a subtropical climate for a reason and I am so done with winter.

Kindest Regards,
Amanda