An 8 year old girl

Alaina has turned eight. In many ways it seems the the time has passed in a blink of an eye and yet at the same time it seems that she has existed forever. It is hard to remember life with out her.

I remember journaling when Alaina was a just a few weeks old that she seemed to good to be true. I remember feeling like at any moment the rug was going to be pulled out and this precious baby would simply vanish. Blame it on the hormones or the 15 month long journey to conceive her, but I have never stopped feeling completely blessed and overwhelmed to have this baby as my own.

Our journey to have her was not an easy road. I am mindful that many women try for far longer and harder to have a baby then we had to but it was life changing for me. For women in my family, a baby was not something you tried for, it was never a goal. I feel like I can make an educated guess that quite the opposite was true. A baby was something that happened to you and was at least initially met with some regret. So the idea that I couldn't just get pregnant was out of my realm of possibility.

We had been married for almost a year when we found that we were indeed expecting. We told our family within days and began to make plans. We would never hold that baby in our arms. At 10 weeks, I miscarried.

Six months later, I was pregnant again. We told no one. It was lonely and heart wrenching. I wanted to have hope but fearful of creating unnecessary pain. At eight weeks along we told our families, but the news was met with caution and their own attempts to guard their hearts. The most beautiful sound I ever heard was on that Christmas Eve. We went in for a quick trip to the doctor to try for a heart beat. We were the last patients of the day. The doctor moved the doppler across my belly and there it was..... a heart beat! Laughter poured from me and made it difficult to keep the doppler steady but the joy was contagious and everyone in the room joined in.

After holding our breath for the next six months, Alaina was born healthy and welcomed into our arms. The last eight years have been an incredible blessing. While my love for her as a mother in undeniable, I like the person she is. She is funny, intelligent, caring, and beautiful. She is the best parts of me and Jason and truly her own person. We are very proud of her and the young lady she is becoming.